Pregnancy Trap – Some women have admitted to snaring their partners into marriage by dubious means. Women are especially prone to using questionable relationship strategies when the relationship is a difficult one or when a man walks out of the relationship and the woman wants him back.
I witnessed a customary marriage go bad when a woman called Yaa showed up with a baby bump and claimed she was pregnant by the groom, Kofi.
Yaa and Kofi had parted ways some months earlier. Yaa wanted Kofi back and decided to show off her pregnancy at the marriage ceremony to his new love, Ama. The marriage ceremony had to be called off because the groom’s family thought it would be better for him to marry Yaa who was already pregnant. Kofi’s family felt he would be safer marrying Yaa than a different woman who may not be able to bear him children. Unable to stand the pressure, Kofi relented and married Yaa.
Last weekend, I saw a mate from the university, and she couldn’t help but flip her fingers in the air for me to see she’s married. She narrated a long tale of how she was able to finally tie her man down. According to her, she saw signs that her partner wanted to walk out, so she was advised by a friend to get pregnant to keep him. Acting on the advice given to her, she decided to set a trap, by which I mean she got pregnant. Once pregnant with his baby, she purposefully kept the news from him until it was too late for an abortion. Today, she is married to him.
Apart from these two scenarios, I have heard of many devious schemes concocted by women to tie men down even when the relationship is strained, but few rival going so far as to bring another human being into the world to hold onto someone who obviously doesn’t love you and much as you love him.
But no matter how wrong it is, I understand how a woman can be driven to such an extreme action. It can really hurt when, as a woman, you’ve given your best shot at the relationship, you’ve been in it for years and your man suddenly wants to opt out. When big issues such as staying together or breaking up arise, some women aren’t able to reflect and do what is best for them. Leaving behind the comfort and stability of a longterm relationship and starting over again, not knowing what if anything you’ll find, is scary. So instead of doing what is difficult, they go for what is easier, what they think is best for them, which in the long run never turns out to be; after all, you’re trying to make someone love you who at the very least doesn’t love you as much as you love him, as much as you deserve to be loved.
For better or worse, when a woman does decide to get pregnant to trap her man into marriage, is she alone to blame for the fallout?
Some “smart” men are completely ignorant when it comes to how a woman gets pregnant, and some “smart” women use this ignorance to their benefit. While men may be in the dark about ovulation, menstrual periods, safe sex and the like, women are usually very conversant with them, especially if they have been wanting to get married.
It’s funny how some men feel like they’re in total control, while their women are in fact guiding them to exactly where they want their men to be.
As we all know, it takes two people to conceive a child. When a man continues to have unprotected sex with a woman he is not ready to settle down with, he better watch out for the consequences. As the saying goes, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
Besides trying to play with the timing of sex, some smart men also forget that a woman can trap them by pretending to use birth control. Just because she tells you she’s using a contraceptive or shows you a pack of pills doesn’t mean she’s doing it. This deception can go on for months, all the while you’re playing with fire and don’t even feel the heat. Some women may see this as the only way to position themselves in a place where marriage or having children is highly possible.
Although I’m not encouraging women to use this to tie a man down, men should know that the 21st century African woman has become wiser and won’t allow herself to be used and taken advantage of. She will devise any means to secure her future.
This plan sometimes works, as some men don’t want to have babies with different women or out of wedlock. They therefore marry to make sure the baby is properly brought up in a marital home.
To the ladies, have you also thought of the fact that a man may only be willing to shoulder the responsibility of being a father but not necessarily a husband? Ladies, you might want to think again. When you’ve given your all in a relationship but he insists on breaking up with you, he is probably not the best person for you. Just let him go. You deserve a person who will appreciate you.
Most African women are brought up to see marriage and children as the ultimate goal. They date with marriage in mind, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s how this goal is achieved that may raise cause for concern. Again, having marriage as a goal is not a bad thing, but believing that marriage is the only avenue to happiness is. Should your right to happiness depend on a man?
Tricking a man into marrying you is neither wise nor necessary. It would be more useful to learn new ways to communicate with your partner if things aren’t working between the two of you. In some relationships, both partners are able to find ways of rebuilding a relationship that’s on the edge of breaking, but there are others where you simply have to cut your losses and let go.
Tricking a man into believing you’re pregnant so he marries you may work temporarily, but you stand the risk of being an unhappy wife. Although I can’t really tell if the friend I mentioned in the article is happy or not, and whether she should have or should not have done what she did remains up for debate, what’s done is done. At this point, I hope things go well for them.
Just remember, no fairy tale ever ended, “And she got pregnant, forcing him to marry her, and they lived happily ever after.”
SOURCE: INFOBOX DAILY