More than once in life I have had a friend open up to me and tell me (without my prompting) that they were abused as children by someone they trusted. It happened recently and it was accompanied by a long confessional of perceived personal flaws on behalf of the person telling the story, and all of the — let’s say– not-so everyday things they did to try and remedy their feelings about the situation.
I feel I have somehow cheated in life by not telling others about my own stories of being abused as a child. I actually didn’t have any memories of being abused until very very recently, so when I was younger I literally had nothing to offer. However, I do remember an incident that happened when I was a kid, and I don’t really want to share it with anyone, even people who have thrust upon me their own stories of abuse.
I think what I’m afraid of is that my story will be used against me. In fact, I’m certain of it, because I don’t feel fully accepted by the people who have shared their stories with me. I’m pretty certain that the only thing that will happen is that I will be told to go and get therapy (I have. Learned some things but it doesn’t change who I am) and that I need to open up and give sex to more people, possibly to them, and that if I don’t it is because I am broken as a result of being abused.
It’s nice that people have felt safe enough around me to tell me their personal stories, but it doesn’t mean I feel safe around them. That’s just the way it is.