I F**ked Another Guy

We were together for 3 years. I started working at MTN customer service and right off the bat I was attracted to a guy who works with me, but because I love my boyfriend I never let myself be in a vulnerable position with work guy. I never socialized with him outside of work because I didn’t want the temptation. But a few months ago, I faulted. It was a party for another colleague and everyone had been drinking all day. The cheating wasn’t premeditated or anything… I don’t know why I did it. I knew I looked hot and I was already drunk when I ran into him.
He asked where my boyfriend was. I responded “what boyfriend”… I don’t really remember much of what we talked about but I let him kiss me, and when the party was closing he said “your place or mine” and I don’t know why I didn’t just end it there and say no, I guess I just told myself that I had already cheated by letting him kiss me which I know I was just rationalizing my behavior and that’s just a bullshit excuse. I went home with him and he has a mirror over his bed (I know, I know) so I got to look myself in the face and think about what a piece of shit I am while he fucked me. The next morning I had a bunch of missed calls from my flat-mate but I lied and told her I slept over at a girlfriends house whom I ran into at the party.

Initially I was going to keep dating my boyfriend and pray to God he would never find out but the guilt was eating me up. He deserves better than someone who cheated on him. He was crushed when I broke up with him two days later. I never want him to find out I cheated on him–I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have. I told him I wasn’t in love with him anymore and that’s why I wanted to break up. I miss him so much and I wish I could have him back but then I remind myself I can’t because I had sex with another guy. Well I just had to tell someone.

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