I Feel Really Excited When I Hear There’s a Mass Shooting or Bombing

I always want to know if this kill count will beat the last. What strategies is this guy using? Did he just go in and start shooting? Did he seal off the exits first? Is he tormenting his victims? I’m always a little disappointed when the shooter is killed or captured.

Once details are revealed I google the fuck out of the shooter and I try to find out as much as I can about him. Did he post a manifesto? Any videos? Rants? Is his Facebook page still up? Then I start studying the victims. I still follow a survivor from the Aurora theater shooting. Whenever a story is released about him or his condition, I’m there.

I don’t hate people. I don’t want to hurt them. I just don’t care. Bad things happening to other people don’t bother me. In fact, they often entertain me.
Before the fuckin’replies turn up, whatever. I don’t give a shit.
I’m not exaggerating or bullshitting or trying to insight anger. I’m telling the absolute truth.

I don’t know if it makes me a sociopath or what. I’m definitely disturbed. I have no doubt about that. I do care about some people. Family, a few friends. But if you’re outside that circle, I don’t care about your life any more than I care about the life of the cow my burger came from.

I suspect I’m not alone. I think there are a LOT of people like me, they just don’t admit it, because it’s socially unacceptable. But why else does everyone perk up when one of these shootings happens? Why does the media get so much out of it every single time? They’re exciting. They’re novel. Although they’re happening so frequently now that they almost feel overplayed. Like after Survivor came out, when a million other “reality” TV shows turned up.

Anyone else feel something similar and have the balls to admit it?

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