I recently became very attracted to one of my professors, call him Dr. S. I took his class last semester but have been visiting him in his office for help on a paper. I graduate in May and will move to another state for a full-time job offer.
He isn’t traditionally handsome; I wouldn’t even call him hot, but something about him gets me excited. I’m in my upper 20s returning to school for a second time so it isn’t an innocent “school girl crush” sort of thing. Anyhow, I know it won’t work… Part of it is his accomplishments and passion to help his students, but a HUGE part of it is sexual…
He turns me on so much and I get so wet for him no matter if I’m around him or not. I just want him to take me in his office, or somewhere on campus, or in the parking lot or even a year from now after I’ve graduated. I love my boyfriend and can’t imagine living the rest of my life without him. We’ve been together for approx. 7 years, but I would still like to sleep with my professor and hope to have an affair with him if I have the chance. I feel bad about wanting this because I regard myself as a person of good moral character.
The profession I’m entering is strongly based on ethics. I’ve been cheated on before and it’s not pleasant for anyone involved. And I’m extremely aware that this desire for my professor is not a desire to act upon. I desperately want to let him know that I’m sexually attracted to him, even though nothing can come of it. Would this create more tension? More discomfort? More desire?
Even though I’m moving out of state, it’s possible that I could revisit the campus for future recruiting events once or twice a year.
I fantasize about getting together then, too. I haven’t thought this way about other professors in the past. In fact I didn’t think about Dr. S this way until after I took his class.
I want to have Dr. S’s undivided attention. I want him to want me and to be into the fantasy with me. I want to do so many things with him that neither of us experience in our own personal relationships. I want what I can’t have, but I want for us to be able to return to our lives as normal.
I want to share this secret with Dr. S. Because let’s face it, if other people know about the affair it completely ruins it and not to mention the shit would really hit the fan. I’ve been a student a long time off and on and this professor fantasy just recently started. I don’t know what’s going on with me.
I hope I don’t get attracted to other authority-type figures in the future. I feel bad that I don’t have sexual fantasies that involve the man I really love and deeply care about. Anybody else have this problem?
What do you think is causing it? How do I stop getting hot and bothered about it? Also, I don’t know if or how I should tell my fantasy to my boyfriend. Thoughts on that?