I abandoned my oldest son to my abusive ex. I haven’t contacted them at all in 15 years now

I had my first child very young with my first husband. He verbally abused me, hit me several times, and frequently punished our son with a belt, leaving marks. I was finally able to get out of that relationship, but he got full custody because I was caught driving drunk with my son in the car twice.

After losing custody I was very depressed and became a very severe alcoholic for a time. It was painful for me to talk to my son and I felt that he was better off without me. I was also afraid of his father and wanted to completely cut ties from him. So I got out of touch.

15 years ago when I last spoke to him he was turning 8 years old. Since then I have relocated, stopped drinking, remarried and had 2 more kids in a healthy relationship and am a good mother to them. I told my current husband that my first son was basically kidnapped from me and that the subject is too painful to bring up at all. My younger kids don’t know that they have a brother at all.

I have found my oldest son on social media and he seems to be doing well as far as I can tell from afar. I don’t have a facebook account or any social media myself because of how awkward it would be if he reached out to me.‎

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