Here goes my secret. First some background. I am happily married. Though after you read this I am sure Reddit will tell me its a false happy. My wife and I have been together going on four years now. I consider myself Christian and conservative. At least that is on the outside. I constantly downplay homosexuality, abortion, just about anything one would typically label a bible belt conservative.
When I was younger and first learning about sexuality, I often would take objects and use them as make shift dildos. This ranged from wooden handles to bottles. This started a path that I quite enjoy still to this day. I love watching all kinds of porn especially gay/bisexual porn. I even mustered up the courage to buy my own dildo. I loved fucking myself with my dildo. So much that I wasn’t content with that one and bought another bigger one. I did this before meeting my SO. I kept it well hidden and she never knew anything about it. I would often film myself and sometimes posted pictures of myself online. Well this continued on for awhile. I eventually got engaged. Fast forward a couple of months.
This curiosity about sexuality kept rolling through my head. One day I had to make a very long drive. On the way I had convinced myself to stop at an adult arcade. I go in and casually look around. I decided to go into the back rooms. I was determined to suck my first cock. A guy quickly entered the room next to mine. He asked if I wanted a BJ. I instantly whipped it out and stuck my cock through the gloryhole. Oh and gloryhole was probably my biggest fetish. He was amazing at sucking my cock. Better than any girl including my wife had ever given me. I guess he just knew how guys liked it since he was a guy. He then asked if I wanted to fuck. I wasn’t ready for this but I told him I would suck his dick. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a great first experience. The guy couldn’t get it up. I tried everything I knew to do. I quickly learned that sucking on a flaccid cock sucks. He asked me if I wanted to fuck again. I got nervous and quickly left.
A good bit later I went to a convention and was up way late and horny. I looked up someone on Craigslist also at the convention. He had me come to his room to dominate him. I finally sucked a hard cock and it was magnificent. One of the predetermined rules was that I could not make him cum which was a bummer because I craved it oh so badly. It was a really hot session. It was only me sucking his cock while telling him what yo do. I wish I had stayed longer. I also wish I had gotten some sort of contact info to meet up again.
I still married my SO and still love her but she has no idea and would most likely leave me if she found out. I would love for her to let other people in the bedroom. I know that will never happen. I only have 1 friend I have confided this in and she essentially told me she feels the same way with girls. This would absolutely destroy my relationship with anyone in my family. That feels good to get out.