I realised long ago that life is all about selling yourself. And by selling yourself I mean persuading people about your value (either this value is good or not).
I see the biggest problem in my life is about not being good at selling myself. The reasons can be that a lot of things I believed and trusted in theory dont work for me in reality. Like having knowledge of an area or study and not being able to transmit such knowledge, not being able to find a job, etc.
Because things are not about things themselves but about how things are introduced, presented, etc.
For this reason it is very hard for me to find a real job. It is very hard to have a serious intimate relationship. Everything is hard, even making friends is hard. But I don’t care much, I have many friends, good ones.
And all this makes me feel I am not good at nothing, even though many people say I am the best on something, and I am confident how good I am about what I do when I do for myself. But when I have to do the same for others, I am not very confident, so I stop believing I am any good on anything or of any high worth for anything or to anybody.
It seems that what people want is not what I have to offer, and trying to offer what people want is not being honest and happy with myself.
I am cool about all of this but I need money. And in order to get money I have to be a better seller of myself to get better opportunities at least to get a full time job.
But that is a very long time! I am trying to get skills on selling myself. I joined courses and read books, I tried to practice on small casualties on real life. But I all get is a small improvement in it. No matter how hard I try. And some times I feel trying too hard has an opposite effect.
So I can tell I will end up being very poor if not homeless eventually. No matter how hard I try to avoid it.