Confession: I had a invasive sexual dream of my step father…

‎It has completely changed the way I think of him and look at him! I’m 21 and he’s in his 40s still married to my mother.
I had a dream, and I had no control of it. He wanted to have sex with me and was very forward and aggressive. He had tattoos and seemed a bit younger in this dream. He doesn’t have one tattoo.

He was clearly married to my mother in this dream. She was heart broken by this but she wanted to watch. She hesitated but allowed him to have sex with me. She was heart broken.

This is what disturbs me. I’m pregnant in this dream. (also pregnant in RL.) I’m in love with my SO who is the father. But he is away out of the state. And as much as I was grossed out by the situation (even in the dream), I was so horny I allowed him to have sex with me. I felt like an animal, like a breeding cow. While my mother watched us.

He was saying disgusting things to me while behind me on the floor. He said gross things about how dirty my pregnancy was and called me bitch every sentence. I hated it, it felt like rape, mentally. But in the dream I physically got off. But I fucking hated it! I felt so much guilt for letting it happen, but it was like i didn’t have a choice.

After this was all over and I saw my SO in the dream, I cried and cried. I was trying to describe the guilt and what I had done. Begging for forgiveness while i felt as though I had been raped. He wouldn’t accept me. He was angry and said he didn’t want me to be the mother of his child. It was killing me not being able to describe that I felt I needed to agree. It was like if I didn’t say yes I would die, but I was horny like an animal… I know this doesn’t make sense..

I woke up in sweat and tears. I just lost my baby’s father and felt out of control and used! After realizing it was just a dream, I felt relief and disgust. How could my mind go into those depths? There is no attraction to my step father, and I don’t hate him.

He is a very respectable person. That being said, after this dream, I do hate him. I’ve been avoiding my mother for over a month. When I think of my step father now all I see is a disrespectful horny pig. I know this is not him and he didn’t do anything wrong. I know you can’t control your dreams. But this is all I think about now. I feel like he is looking at me naked. I just want to smack him in the face!

I keep telling myself that I’ll get over it. I’ll forget about it but I can’t and I’m starting to think that I will never get over it. My mom has no idea why I wont talk to her. I do not feel guilt, I just won’t talk to her because there’s a small chance she’ll hand the phone to step dad. That fucking terrifies me. I miss my mom.

It’s not fair to punish someone for something they never did. This dream was so real, it feels real. I feel like he is secretly looking at my body sexually. I am so mad at him.‎

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