When I was 3 my biological father abandoned me, i lived in a house with an emotionally abusive grandfather. From about that age until I was 7 or 8, I was molested by a “friend of the family”.
Since then, I have chosen emotionally broken people as my friends, which has continued the cycle of abuse. I have given my body to men I knew to be slime and had my heart broken by each of them.
I recently came out of an abusive engagement and I am finally ready to start dating. the guy i am interested in loves me and respects me. and i feel terrible because I don’t know how to love anyone with my whole heart. I love him at an arms distance away because I have such a huge fear of him hurting me. he would never hurt me, i know this intellectually.
But all i can do is think of reasons why hes not right for me and all the ways he might hurt me. I cannot even call this man my boyfriend for all the love I have for him. I want so much to love him freely but i have forgotten how…