I have a child to the man who abused me; he was not abusive before the baby, just insecure. When the baby was born he felt he had a hold over me and began to feel that the baby was taking up ‘his time’ with me. If the baby woke him at night he would push my head into the wall, and he would scream at the baby if she woke him while she was playing in the morning. I stayed though because I believed that he would change when she got older.
One day she was singing to a show on TV when he snapped out of bed and began screaming at her, I told him to quit it and he flew at me. He hit me hard enough to black both my eyes. All I knew was that I had to stand up for my child. I left him that day and he has not been interested in us since.
How I coped
That day I called my mum and then I left him, I was so ashamed as my reason for not telling before was so that no one would be angry with him. I cancelled my lease and threw him onto the street, then I moved in with my family for six months to recover.
How the situation changed
Nowadays I am studying for my degree, and my daughter is in daycare, I am single and I still don’t trust men but being on my own is fantastic and I’m so happy that I left. The biggest change has been in my daughter, she is so strong now and is always happy and singing away to her play school songs.
I know that she was being abused to and she needs me to be self reliant so that she can rely on me too.
What helped me to get stronger
My mum helped initially, she kept me from going back, and helped me with the legals. But the biggest help has been recovering my dignity, every day I am happier, stronger, and closer to my baby. I wonder now why I wanted to stay with him, because now I am free to go where I like, see who I like, do what I like, and more importantly my baby girl is free to sing and dance at any time of day ( and you know I do too!!)
What I would say to someone who is being abused
Don’t fall into the victim role, YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING and you have the right to be as happy as my bubba, sing dance and be the man if he doesn’t like it. When you are being abused you forget that you are the most important person in your life, not some so called Partner in life who wants to run the show alone.
So get up, walk out, start over and don’t look back.
And to those of you like me with a kid, they may have a right to two parents but they also have the basic human right to be safe, and believe me an abusive partner becomes an abusive parent too.