People don’t change overnight, situations make them. Certain circumstances are beneath our control but we choose to see them as situations we can turn into good ones, by walking deep into it, hoping for light at the end of an endless tunnel of torture and destruction.
My name is Adeola and I’m 36years old, not seeing marriage as an option. I’m a feminist now, and it’s what I’ve chosen. I won’t cook for no man, I won’t wash his clothes, I won’t give you no child, you want one, get a mother less one adopted.
I won’t accept no other family as mine as a bond between two families, no! keep them to yourself! I won’t see you moody and try to pet you or calm you down, I’d just walk into the room, put on the TV and see some action movie with a glass of wine and some pieces of chocolate cookies. My feelings are paper thin!
I wasn’t like this before anyway, I was submissive, obedient and supportive, until hell was let lose against my alter ego!
I was in this relationship with Toyo, where we both knew we loved each other (well at least I knew I did). People would see us on the street and marvel at the beauty of our closeness! People will get jealous at the sight of Toyo bending to tie my shoelace, at the sight of Toyo helping me pack my hair in public, I was thrilled at all of that attention he gave me, little did they know I was his punching bag behind closed doors.
Toyo would beat me behind closed doors for no tangible reason, even if I were to be slicing bread Toyo would beat me up for making noise with that, I was tortured. My phone calls were monitored, even those coming from my parents (who both knew Toyo but were blinded my his ability to cloak the darkness in him).
I loved him. I would rather he beat me to a pulp than leave him. He would scream at me, call me names such as “fool” “ode” hobbit_height” (even though I’m 5’8) “dead brain” “ass-wipe” and all sorts, but hey! I’d rather stay and get beaten up, than stay alone, afterall, I could cover the scars with Avon powder, but not the tears and loneliness!
This abusive relationship went on and on for a year and 3months, by then I started vomiting bright red blood, seeing blood in my urine, I was scared to death. For a novice, I thought I got pregnant and during the “punching sessions”, I lost it hence the bleeding. I told him about it and he promised he’d get me an appointment with his doctor which he did!
When I got to the hospital, I ran a blood test, and they diagnosed internal bleeding. I was asked if I had any accident or something close to that, I couldn’t answer, all I could do was cry! I cried so hard! Cried for this love I had that was killing me! Cried so much for the fact that I held something in high esteem and it was going to by my death!
I was asked if I needed to see a counselor about anything, but instead I cried my way out of the office into my car, where I could cry out everything, the pain, the pretense in public, all. He called me, I mean Toyo, while I was in the car crying and asked what exactly it was, I told him internal bleeding. Believe me people, he even had the guts to asked me what the cause was!
Eventually I was treated and told to stay off stress till the places operated were perfectly okay as I declined being bed-ridden. All these while though, he was coming to see me while I got treated, bringing flowers, chocolates and all pretentious sorts, a nurse even whispered into my ear and said she was jealous of the relationship I had and that he was a nice man with nice manners to the core, all the while I hadn’t laughed but on hearing what she said, I had no choice, but to burst into an hysterical fit of laughter, knowing fully well, that he was a master of disguise!
The first two weeks of getting back from the hospital felt like heaven, he treated me well, heat water for me, made me food, lay by me and cuddled me, and when he wasn’t in, he was always calling.
This made me think that there was a slight ray of hope (as I already figured out my escape plan from the relationship) for me, that he was becoming a changed man, until that Thursday evening when his madness tripped back in!
He came home asking why the food I made him was cold, I explained that I made it just few minutes earlier despite my condition that I didn’t want him coming home to no food, he nagged complained, huffed and scoffed while I took it to the microwave and did him the honor of warming it up!
Like that wasn’t even close to enough, he complained about everything I thought was going well in the past two weeks and at that point I had had enough! Enough of it all! I stood up to him, and defended my honor, defended myself as a woman, defended myself as a victim! He shouted at me and I reciprocated, that’s the last thing I remember as I just blacked out!
I woke up at Maryland hospital with so much pain, expecting him to be there but I saw no one. After a few minutes, a nurse approached me and asked me how I felt which I told her without leaving any bit of detail behind as the pain was agonizing!
The doctor later came in to check how good I was fairing, and told me I was pregnant! He said it was by a bit of luck I didn’t lose it. I wept so hard! I wept, told him I needed time and privacy to think. I thought of keeping the child and nurturing him alone, as I wasn’t going back to the monstrous arms of Toyo I had had enough already! I thought! Oh! I really thought!
I thought it through and decided I was done with the whole nonsense! I didn’t need a man, NO! I needed myself to be sane and happy; I didn’t need any monstrous child growing up to take on the form and character of his devilish father, NO! I wasn’t about to have any of that happen to me all over again, or to any poor girl out there falling into the child’s evil arms, I was going to abort it!
On telling the doctor of my plans, and he was totally against it! Told me to calm down! Told me to think it over, even sent a counselor over, but little did they know it was all falling on deaf ears, I had my mind made up already!
When the doctor came back, he asked me smiling, “so when do you want to be discharged?” and I answered him smiling “Right after this monster is out”! I saw his smiling face turn into a scowl, but whatever, my decision was my decision!
The operation was successful, and I was told I had complications, ones that wouldn’t allow me conceive anymore, I was so damaged, damaged to the extent that I didn’t feel a single remorse to the situation. Damaged it is, while I got dressed and left for Sheila’s house, my friend!
I got there weak, but had to beg for entrance as Toyo had made me chase off all my friends. She let me in eventually, and lay me on her bed, got me a warm cup of tea, and left me to sleep.
When I woke I told her everything, she wept for me, hugged me and told me I’d be fine. Little did she know that I was damaged beyond repair?
Right from that moment, I was determined .I didn’t need any man or child to make me happy, I was and still am my own happiness and that’s the one thing nobody can take from me!
I’ve been living alone ever since, and I’m perfectly fine with it, I have a rack of good novels, a beautiful fat cat, Norris and a house help, Bimpe to enjoy my house with, I always knew I deserved better than I was getting!
I am the boss of my own happiness, I had always been, but didn’t get exposed to that fact early enough.