Almost everyone in the dating world readily admits that they have a type. Men might admit to liking blondes or girls who are tomboys; women might admit to liking men who are built or unforgivingly ambitious.
While most people are fine showcasing the exterior of their type to anyone who asks — for instance, “I only date guys who make me laugh” — they don’t showcase (or perhaps even notice) the inner demons of their type — i.e.e “I only date guys who make me cry”.
What this means is that men and women have a tendency to date the same type of person, even when it has led, over and over again, to an unhealthy relationship and ultimate heartbreak.
Perhaps you’ve seen it in yourself or your friends — Sally always goes for guys who are emotionally unavailable and Jeff only goes for girls who are after his money.
This tendency, as you might have guessed, is not a good thing—it leads to a pattern, a pattern of frustration, heartbreak, and, eventually, cynicism about love.
When this pattern finally becomes too ridiculous, those following it go one of two ways: they settle for someone who doesn’t really make them all that happy or they give up on love entirely, concluding that all romantic comedies and Shakespearean plays are essentially full of crap.
While this may certainly be the glass half empty viewpoint, there is a brighter side. In short, patterns are not finalities: they can be broken.
But, like the breaking of so many bad habits, breaking a bad dating pattern is not a one-step process.
Rather, there are three steps that need to be taken before the pattern is even feeble enough to snap in half. And it all begins with understanding why you date the way you date.
1. Ask yourself why.
There is a reason you go for the people you go for.
Maybe you like drama, maybe you like a challenge, but, most likely, you are attracted to that type of person because they resonate with some sort of deeper vision of yourself. People, whether it’s in the dating world or working world or even deciding what they have for breakfast, like familiarity: it makes us feel safe.
A great deal of this has to do with childhood.
If you didn’t like your parents, you may find yourself dating people who are the polar opposites of them. If you did like your parents, you may find yourself dating people who are similar to them.
Either way, you’re letting familiarity dictate your choices. If, on the other hand, you’re able to bring consciousness to why you’re falling for a particular person, you are better able to break the cycle of the same old person, and venture out to something new.