Confession: I’ve been suppressing “homosexual urges” for a very long time

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For lack of a better phrase, I’ve been shoving down my feelings for other girls for a while now. I’ve never been completely comfortable with myself because of it. I had one relationship with another girl but it didn’t work out. She wanted to be open about it and hold my hand in public, but I couldn’t do it.

Our relationship is my biggest secret because admitting it to my friends would be humiliating. Girls just turn me on in a way males never have. I lost my virginity to a guy, but I still can’t help but think it would’ve been way better with a girl.

I can’t imagine myself ever bringing a girl home to my parents. My mom would be fine with it, but I just can’t.

My close friends have gradually figured out that I’m not exactly the “straightest” person but they’ve never questioned me about it. Yet, whenever I’m with them and outwardly comment about a cute girl, I feel weird. They never give me weird looks or judge me, but I just feel…weirded out by my own attraction. I try to ignore it and keep stuff to myself but sometimes I just feel really strongly, I guess.

I’ve been interested in just as many guys as a normal girl has, but for me, girls just take it to another level for some reason.

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